This is what happens when the self-care blogger forgets to take care of herself. Do you know those uncomfortable situations where you have no choice but to change? Yeah, I've hit that point.
I guess I didn't realize it at the time, because I was dealing with it for so long, but work became so incredibly stressful. Stressful enough that it was starting to affect different areas of my life. I stopped taking care of myself and thought that just by doing more active things: like restarting yoga, heading into boxing more that I was positively dealing with all that stress and "taking care of myself" properly. Yes, I'll admit, it definitely helped to deal with the stress, but I think that I wasn't really addressing the issue: I was stressed AF. I felt tired and drained all the time - to the point where I was starting to act like I wasn't myself anymore. How did I let it get that far? How did I lose control of taking care of myself? How did I not even realize I hit that point?!
For someone who truly advocates for self-care, I wasn't doing any of that. I was running on an autopilot and that's not what I'm about. I thought that by getting more active (aka distracting myself), I was dealing with it in a healthy way, I was and wasn't. I stopped being myself and basically became this drone of a person. But sometimes you don't see that until someone points it out to you. It wasn't until my boyfriend pointed it out to me that I was taken aback. I didn't even realize how far down the rabbit hold I'd gone. It was a hard pill to swallow knowing that while I advocate for self-care and self-love, I wasn't doing any of that for myself. I'm slowly trying to get myself back on the self-care track and self-care is all about keeping yourself in stride. Self-care doesn't end. I need to repeat: self-care doesn't end.
Right now, it feels like I'm re-learning how to really take care of myself. I'm making time for myself even if it's just 10 minutes of solitude to reflect on my day and how I'm feeling. I'm re-learning that taking breaks is okay. I'm practicing gratitude again morning and night - since it helps ground me and reminds me of all the things I have to be thankful for. I'm relearning that while progress is a slow process, I can't beat myself up about it if it's not happening right this very moment. I'm retraining my thoughts to focus on all the positive things, to let things go again, and to be mentally sound. The main thing I'm re-learning or I guess, reminding myself is that you can't forget about yourself even if it feels like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.