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untitled

No, there will be no picture to accompany this post. No, there's no quick-witted title for this post either. So what's a blog post if there's no witty title and picture? Just an extreme flow of thought. 

Lately, I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what to write, how to write it, etc etc. You see, I've been blogging (privately and publicly) since back in those Livejournal days when I was a teenager. Writing has been my sense of therapy - whether or not someone was there to read it. It's been something that I've turned to to just release whatever is going on in my head, whether it makes sense or not. But lately, I've looked at writing differently. It's become my frienemy (yes, I'm also cringing as I type this). I've been in a love-hate relationship with it, my main thought being, how can I be open and relatable without being that open and too revealing? I've been putting all this pressure on myself to produce content without really thinking what said content would be about. My thoughts swirling around like, "How can I blog if there's nothing I want to blog about? How can I blog if it feels like I'm not being honest about what I can blog about anymore? How can I blog if I want to capitalize on it?" Yes, that last question is making me cringe too, but at least it's honest. 

After contemplating it over and over again, I realized that I never started blogging "for the money". Honestly I didn't even think it was something I could make money off of in the first place, it was just a hobby that I loved doing. So, how does one return to their roots now that they've been to a few places between that has changed its perspective? How does one shake off this "writer's block" without getting into it again? The answer? Keep fucking writing. 

This year, one of my goals was to be a better writer, which means you need to be a better reader first. I took that to heart and am crushing my reading goals this year, which is more than I can say for the past few years' reading goals. I've always tried to be an honest writer or at least as authentic as I can be or am allowed to be. Perhaps this is the start of a new blog section, or a bigger project or maybe more honest posts. For now, I'll take it as a small victory towards an open, honest post without being too open and too honest

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I am a dreamer....and that's a problem

Hi, my name is Chesca and I am addicted to taking on more than I can handle. Apparently, I think I'm Superwoman; that or I'm just overly ambitious that it seems to hurt me more than help me. 

I'm not sure when it was exactly, or if I've always been this way but I try to take on a lot more than I can handle, but disguise it as trying to be very accomplished. While it seems cool to do all these different things, sometimes it can really get to the point where you burn yourself out. Speaking from personal experience, I've definitely burned myself out over this more than once. That being said, here's why being overly ambitious (to a fault) can be bad for you and what you can do about it. 

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1) Spending all your time dreaming and not executing. This is huge. I always have a wild flurry of ideas, but half of them don't actually make it out of my head because I want to do everything.

2) Taking on everything and then burning out in the process. I've done this to myself on a few occasions. Initially it seems really good to take on so much and want to do everything, but eventually taking on everything without a few breaks here and there wears you out. (Trust me.)

3) Not being focused. As I've said before, burning yourself out from trying to take on the world gets exhausting. But it also adds to not really focusing on anything properly. Yes, to everyone you're doing everything, you're a superhero. But really, you're not really focusing on a couple things here and there and it's ultimately hurting your hustle/passion/etc - at least for me anyway. If you're able to do all those things (plus more), holler at me cuz we need to talk!

However, while these are a few problems, I do have a few solutions that I have to remind myself of from time to time:

1) It's okay to take a breather. Yeah, it was hard for me to learn this one at first too. But I've been learning that even though you wana "hustle" all the time, sometimes taking a bit of a break does wonders for your stress, health, and even gives you a bit of a new perspective...if you let it.

2) Prioritize yourself first - as in, if you know you're gona feel stressed AF from taking on "one more project" - say no. You're more than allowed to say "no" and put yourself first. Do the one project you love first, stay focused on that. Even putting yourself first by doing something else like cooking or reading or cleaning or whatever - it'll help you realize that you need to take care of you first before you take on everything else.

3) Pick the essential projects, say no to everything else. This is something from a book I read a couple of years ago - "Essentialism". Where you choose the things you'd say "hell yes" to and no to everything else. I need to remind myself of this from time to time, but it does help when I get excited about all these different projects but pause and reflect on which ones I really want to take on. 

What do you do when you end up taking on too much? 

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Lost in the sauce

Maaaan I can definitely admit I got lost in the damn sauce. For some reason every February I always "lose myself" to this blog. I overanalyze, overthink and totally re-assess why I'm even blogging at all. You could say it has something to do with my birthday month but, I think it's just a total coincidence. 

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But yeah, ya girl got lost in the (blogging) sauce. I re-started and rebranded this blog in 2017. I wanted it to reflect something positive and to really be a place for me to have fun and use this as a passion project; something to challenge me to continue to be creative. Somewhere along the way it went from "fun thing I do in my spare time" to something more serious. Now, let me say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. It's more than fine actually. But for me, that sense of seriousness began to channel itself into pressure. I started to feel like I was failing because I wasn't where other bloggers are. But like, helloooo that's a comparison trap and I fell in. 

So after weeks of feeling like a blogging/creative failure and declaring that I was "totally done with all this" - I found myself and escaped this gloom of doom I was stuck in. It may not be the biggest deal to some people but getting out of all that - finding the reason why I even wanted to continue felt pretty damn good! I'd liken it to drinking a really amazing coffee on a day off where you could do what you wanted - yeaaah, it's like that! 

So I guess, this was just a really long-winded way for me to say that I am no longer lost in the sauce and instead of putting pressure on myself to blog or write about things, it's just going to go back to being its original intention - a passion project. 

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